All I Could Have Had
by Megan9
Summary: Thanks to a complex and possibly dangerous spell, Harry is given one week with . Will be able to stop Harry’s downward spiral into depression, or will his visit simply cause Harry to be in more pain than he was in the first place? -CH 2 REPOSTED-
1. No More Hurt

All I Could Have Had  
  
Thanks to a complex and possibly dangerous spell, Harry is given one week with . Will be able to stop Harry's downward spiral into depression, or will his visit simply cause Harry to be in more pain than he was in the first place when their week is up?  
  
Spoilers: All of the books, including OoTP.  
  
Notes: Well, this is the first time I've ever posted a Harry Potter story anyway, this is the first one I've ever written as well, so I'm quite open to criticism as long as it's somewhat constructive. I do like to think I've grown a lot as a writer since my hockey fanfic, but I suppose I'll have to see your opinions, won't I? I am well aware that there is no mention of the charm named in this story in the books, but that is because obviously the charm is my own creation . As well, if you're expecting a story written in anywhere near the style of JKR, you'll have to look elsewhere I'm afraid. I decided it'd be better for me to stick to my own style than to try that one and fail horribly. And that's about all the blathering I have to do today, so if you like, you hate, whatever, please review. If you wish to send me an e-mail, my jochensgirl_20@hotmail.com account is no longer active, my new addy is canadian_hockey_gurl15@hotmail.com if you wish to get a hold of me. And here we go!  
  
"Harry dear, you really should be eating something, especially if Dumbledore wants to do more of that.training with you this evening," Molly Weasley worriedly fussed over the now sixteen year old wizard, while still looking quite un-fond of the 'training' she spoke of.  
To his credit, the unruly haired teen managed some form of a smile as he looked up at her and shook his head, as he had for the last several days.  
"Mrs. Weasley, thank you so much for everything.but I'm honestly not hungry. It's better for me not to eat before I train anyway, it makes my stomach hurt." Well at leas this wasn't a total lie. The battle training he had been involved in all summer with Dumbledore did cause him pain in his stomach, and pretty much every part of his body, but it had nothing to do with food. And the lady who still considered herself Harry's second mother seemed to know this, as she frowned and looked as frustrated with him as he had ever seen her.  
"I'm sick of that excuse Harry.I'm sick of them all. I'll take it for now, but I won't for much longer." He should have felt panic coursing through him at the thought that Mrs. Weasley was considering kicking out of his Godfather's house, where he had stayed this summer with the Order instead of returning the Dursley's, but he found that he felt nothing, just the same numbness he'd felt since he had realized Sirius was truly lost to him. "Don't think I don't mean it either, I will call Lupin."  
This woke him up, Lupin had only been to Grimmauld Place a handful of times, but on all those cases without any exceptions, when he had been there, Harry had been more than a little uncomfortable. He still spoke to and spent time with others, but he made it plain to them that his entire focus was squarely on his best friends' son and Godson.  
"N-no Mrs. Weasley! Prof---Mr. Lupin has so much to worry about right now." he began nervously, but he did not get any further in his weak argument.  
"We all have responsibilities, but family comes first, and we all.especially Remus and myself, consider you family Harry Potter. So are you going to eat your dinner or not?" Forcing, or at least attempting to force his unruly hair to rest, Harry forced a look of indifference onto his face.  
"No. I said I'm not hungry." Looking hurt and confused as she always did after Harry forced the same coldness upon her that he did to everyone else, Mrs. Weasley nodded timidly and quickly made her way out of the room.  
  
Harry didn't let himself think about what he was doing to those around him, didn't let himself worry that he truly would be alone soon.he focused himself squarely on his training. It was the only thing he truly put effort into anymore, the only thing he cared about, the entire focus of his being.  
"I've seen warriors that have battled through hours of war who were less sweaty and tired than you, for Merlin's sake sit down Harry!" Dumbledore pleaded. There was still that sparkle in his eyes whenever Harry found the courage to meet them, but it certainly had been extinguished over the last year. And he knew he was the main cause of this.if he remembered what it felt like to hurt, he knew that this knowledge would kill him.  
"We've been doing this for nearly a month, you know I don't stop once I'm on a roll," Harry replied as he attempted to force his breathing to return at least close to normalcy. Dumbledore frowned, but did not argue the point any further.  
And on they went until Harry was forced to admit defeat since he could no longer stand. This routine was nothing new to him, and he was preparing to flop down tiredly on his bed as he always did when he returned.until he saw none other than Remus Lupin all ready seated there.  
"Don't look like you're preparing for battle Harry, please. I'll be here but a moment," the former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher quickly said with his arms in the air in a surrender gesture," I just want you to know.what I'll be giving you, I hope it will make you happy. And given the chance, please know that I would have done anything to give you so much more." Without speaking another word or giving Harry a chance to respond, Lupin was gone.  
For moments that turned into minutes, which turned into nearly an hour, Harry felt confusion ripple through him. What had Lupin meant? What was it he was planning to give him? What was going on? Soon, however, he could ponder no more and he allowed his body to succumb to the sleep it had pleaded for all day.  
However, when he woke, it was not to the sound of his alarm, which sprayed a foul smelling fluid at you if you attempted to press the sleep button, instead, he woke to the sound of a voice he hadn't heard in far too long.  
"Before you grumble at the new house elf, it was me who turned it off. I don't know what you were thinking anyway, getting up at that hour and then working the way you do, you're damn lucky you haven't collapsed." Harry's neck snapped up so quickly he was sure if it had gone any quicker it would have flown right off the rest of his body.  
"Sirius?"  
  
-TBC!- 


	2. Explanations and Embarrassments

All I Could Have Had  
  
Notes: Thanks very much to my lone reviewer Katie.reviews mean the world so when I do get them, it lights up my day :) Ahem. And now onto the story.just one more thing, in the books Sirius never really like.was too physically affectionate with Harry too much or anything but I always got the distinct impression that he wanted to, there was something that was just holding him back, so be prepared for a cuddly Sirius in this story! **grins** And on we go!  
  
*REPOSTING NOTES: Well I don't know what I did wrong, the paragraphing was all fine in Word but it got messed on here, so I just changed the paragraph set up so that it works for the whole chappy not just half of it **rolls eyes** To those who actually managed to read it when it looked so horrible with like ten paragraphs that somehow managed to get stuck together.an extra thank you, that amazes me!  
  
"Sirius?" Okay so now he was getting hallucinations that were damn realistic! This was bad.this was really bad. Not even mentioning the fact that it tore him apart to hear the voice of his dead Godfather.Merlin he wanted this dream to end before he got used to it and started to believe it.  
  
"Harry, you're shaking. Listen to me, there's a good explanation, but if you go and faint on me, Molly will have my head," Sirius smiled. Harry managed a nod after a few seconds. "Now. At least sit up and look at me?" Slowly the young wizard did so. None of his dreams about Sirius had been this vivid, this real. "Okay. Now have you ever heard of the Memorious Charm?"  
  
"N-no," Harry stuttered, still unable to keep his eyes off his Godfather, as if he'd disappear if he so much as blinked.  
  
"Well it's complicated and almost never performed because the bond between the two that perform it must be incredibly strong.well, unbreakable actually. And some don't believe it to be all that moral, they figure it's messing with.well, things that shouldn't be messed with. But fortunately, Moony and I had both that unbreakable bond of friendship, and that will to go against the generally accepted rules.and here I am," he grinned. "Well, we needed Dumbledore to help perform the charm of course, and I can't be here long. Basically, to everyone that truly knew me, they will be able to see my body, but to all else that look upon me, I shall appear to be Remus Lupin." He cleared his throat. "However, we still do only have one week, it's the maximum amount of time that Remus can spend on the other side, as a person who has not truly passed on, without going mad. And that's more than most could handle."  
  
A week with Sirius? This is what Lupin had been referring to when he said he hoped Harry would be happy! And Merlin, he was beyond happy, so happy that he could burst! But there was one question that had entered his mind the second Sirius had explained this plan to him.  
  
"Sirius?" His Godfather looked at him. "I-If this charm is possible, h-how come neither one of my parents never came here? I mean, you or Moony would have done that for them, right?" Sirius sighed.  
  
"James knew you would ask that. Well the thing is, you and I got to know one another and our time together got very abruptly ended, and we knew you could never just let go that way. Your parents, on the other hand, you never knew, and they felt it would be best if you didn't meet them and get to know them only for them to be ripped away from you all over again."  
  
It made sense, he supposed, but it didn't stop the course of pain from going through him for a moment. But quickly, he shifted his focus. Sirius had come back to him for one magical week, and he did not intend to waste the time he had been given. And Sirius seemed to sense his shift in attitude as well.  
  
"I can't give you what you should have had.but I can give you a glimpse of it. Forget everything else, let's just be a family for a while?" Harry grinned widely.  
  
"Don't think anything could beat that." Sirius stepped forward and ruffled his hair playfully. "Hey come on now, it's messed up enough as it is without your assistance, dear sir." Sirius snorted.  
  
"Now Harry, I love you kid, but if you ever address me so formally again, I will have to kill you." The playful threat made the young wizard chuckle, but he stopped abruptly when the words from before that sunk into him. Sirius had said he loved him. It wasn't that he'd ever felt his Godfather didn't care, but the world love was a strong word. It appeared Sirius noticed his expression. "Harry, I wouldn't come back this way, put Remus in danger, for a person I didn't love. Now let's go down and get you something to eat and we'll talk to the others, all right?" He held his hand out to his Godson, and without hesitation, Harry took it and the two began down the steps.  
  
"Good morning Harry, Sirius," Molly Weasley greeted the two tiredly, not even realizing the implications of the words she had just spoken, "what would you two like for bre---SIRIUS!" The former Azkaban prisoner smirked.  
  
"Just your lovely conversation. However, we'll need the rest of the family, and the Order, in here." Mrs. Weasley, Harry would tell, was beyond shocked and confused, but she managed to weakly call to the house, and soon they were all gathered, staring incredulously at Sirius as he retold the story.  
  
"But I don't understand, I mean, how do you contact someone in the afterlife, how-" Hermione began her questions, which, had Sirius not stopped her, would have surely gone on for hours.  
  
"It's complicated, and dangerous. But what's important is that I'm here now, and I will be for the next week." Almost without noticing he was doing it, Sirius reached out and put a protective arm around his Godson before turning his eyes back to the group before them. The look on Hermione's face made him sure that he was about to get a lecture about the dangers of the charm and how all of this was morally wrong, but what Sirius did not expect was the young girl throwing herself at him in a hug that seemed to be more of a tackle, and her open sobs that began soon after.  
  
"Thank you so much for coming back.we've been so worried about Harry. He shuts himself in his room, barely eats or sleeps or talks, all he seems to care about is that blasted training of his..." The expression on Sirius's face darkened as his eyes met those of his Godson who suddenly felt quite uncomfortable within the confines of the kitchen.  
  
"As I am well aware. And rest assured, Hermione, Harry and I will have a long discussion about these practice and even once I have gone, they will not happen again."  
  
Mrs. Weasley, who had never been shy about making it clear of her disapproval that Sirius treated Harry like more of a friend than a son, had a wide smile on her face as she cleared her throat.  
  
"Well since it's much closer to lunch than breakfast, I'll make some of those.what do Muggles call them? Hot dogs?" Arthur Weasley nodded enthusiastically, obviously pleased that his wife was now adopting a mixed menu of both word's foods.  
  
They all sat and talked together at the large table. It seemed so perfect, so real, like no time had passed and all the traumatic and serious events from the last couple months.hell, years, had never occurred.  
  
Harry wanted to please everyone, especially Sirius, but as much as he tried, he had grown so used to not eating that he could not force down more than a couple bites of hot dog down his throat before he slunk downward on his chair and prayed no one would notice. Of course, things never went the way Harry Potter wanted them to.  
  
"Harry." Sirius muttered in a voice that sounded a lot like Molly Weasley. Then, without warning, he hoisted the sixteen-year-old up and right into his lap. "Sirius, what are-you---let me down!" Harry exclaimed angrily, squirming fitfully. The rest of the company seemed to understand that the two needed this time to themselves, and they quickly vacated the room.  
  
"Shh," Sirius said in a voice so soft it could have been considered a coo, if Harry wasn't so sure that Sirius Black, the man who had spent twelve years in Azkaban and then broke out to try to commit the murder he had been convicted for, would never coo at anyone, even if that person was his best friend's son. "Will you please trust me Harry? I want to take care of you." Harry raised an eyebrow (oh how Snape would be pleased!) but stopped struggling in his Godfather's arms. And before he knew it, Sirius had sliced the hot dog into small pieces and was feeding it to him as if he were three.  
  
"Sirius," he groaned, blushing furiously. This was ridiculous, absolutely nut, being fed like a child.he wasn't this pathetic was he? Imagine what Malfoy would see if he could see him now? But before he knew it, he had eaten everything on the plate.  
  
"There we go," Sirius smiled, pressing a kiss to his temple. All right, Harry reasoned to himself, Lupin had performed the charm wrong and some mix between Sirius and Molly Weasley, giving the man before him his identity. Because this definitely was not Sirius Black.  
  
"W-why are you doing this? Do you think I can't take care of myself or something?" Harry asked quietly. Sirius sighed and turned his Godson around in his arms to face him.  
  
"I don't think that at all Harry. It's just.those times when we were together, and you were hurting, I wanted so badly to just hold you like a Father would a son, but I was too damn scared, you know? And now.Lupin gave me this chance to do things again, and I am not going to waste time like that, because frankly, I don't have a lot of it to waste."  
  
"Well said, Sirius, well said." Both pairs of eyes turned to Albus Dumbledore, who was now standing in the kitchen was if it were the most natural place in the world for him to just turn up without his entrance being noticed. "However, I will need to borrow Harry for just a few hours for his training session-"  
  
Sirius's eyes flashed dangerously. He was still perfectly tender as he set his Godson back onto his chair, but the moment he stood up, Harry knew Dumbledore was in for an earful.  
  
--TBC!-  
  
Love it, hate it, have some constructive criticism? No matter what, hit that purple review button down there, I'd love to hear from you! 


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